Wedding Etiquette

Incorporate wedding etiquette and traditions in a way that suits your style.

While there is a lot more room for creativity in weddings today, there are some elements of traditional wedding etiquette that should be incorporated. Abide by some of the traditions of weddings when doing your wedding planning and you’ll be connected with a rich and ancient history of ritual.

Spreading the News

While it’s no longer customary for a man to ask permission from a girl’s father for her hand in marriage, most grooms still carry out this tradition as a sign of respect for the bride and her family. Regardless, both the bride and groom’s parents should be the first to know about your engagement, especially if they are to be paying for some or most of the wedding. Use your discretion and common sense to tell other family members and friends personally.

Although it’s not mandatory, an announcement in the paper is still acceptable etiquette for an engagement. You may also send out announcement cards and/or engagement party invitations to your wider circle. It is not necessary to invite everyone on your engagement party list to you wedding so your engagement party is a good opportunity to celebrate with friends who you may not have at the wedding.

The Question of Cost

Modern wedding etiquette has relaxed the tradition of the bride’s family paying for the majority of the wedding costs. Today it is more common for the bride and groom’s family to share the major costs, such as the reception venue hire and catering – and stepparents may also become involved. Bride and grooms tend to pay for more elements of their own wedding these days, particularly if parents are elderly or deceased, or if it is not a first marriage. However you structure costs, it’s important to be open and respectful to everyone and ensure that all individuals feel valued.

The following wedding etiquette practices may help with your wedding cost structure:

The bride’s family pays for:

• All reception costs, including venue, catering, flowers, decorations etc (this can be share with groom’s family)
• Other associated event costs such as engagement party, wedding breakfast etc.
• The bride’s dress (this may be shared with the bride)
• All wedding photography and wedding videography
• Wedding stationery
• Wedding cake and favours
• All bridal accessories, hair and makeup (this can be shared with bride or attendants)
• Mother of bride outfit
• Accommodation for bride’s family if they have to travel a long distance

The groom’s family pays for:

• Share of reception costs
• Alcohol at the reception
• Entertainment
• Wedding cars

The bride

• Her gown (if her parents are not paying)
• The groom’s wedding ring
• Part or all of the attendants’ dresses, particularly if it’s a unique design that’s not easily worn again
• Honeymoon to be shared with the groom

The groom

• The bride’s wedding ring
• Bouquets, buttonholes and corsages for the bridal party and parents
• Gifts for the bridal party
• The marriage license
• Wedding ceremony costs
• The groom’s suit
• Groomsmen suits’ costs (if appropriate)
• Honeymoon shared cost with bride.

Seating, Standing and Greeting Arrangements

At the ceremony

Seating: It‘s correct wedding etiquette, particularly at a church, to seat the bride’s family on one side of ceremony seating and the groom’s on the other. Room should be left in the front rows for the parents and immediate family of the bride and groom. When doing your wedding planning, it’s wise to station ushers at the ceremony to avoid confusion.
Standing: In traditional Christian weddings, the groom and his groomsmen enter from a vestibule and wait for the bride to arrive. The bridesmaids or attendants lead the procession down the aisle, followed by the pageboy and flower girl and finally the bride, accompanied by her father or close male relative. Different religions will have different wedding ceremony etiquette so ensure you are familiar with the traditions appropriate to your particular faith.

At the reception

A reception line: is not compulsory but it is a wedding etiquette worth considering. Your wedding day will fly by and this is often a lovely way to connect with your guests. Whoever is hosting the reception should stand at the start of the reception line – if both sets of parents are sharing the cost, the order would be: mother of the bride, father of the bride, mother of the groom, father of the groom, bride and then groom.
Seating: Generally the bridal party sits at their own table at the reception with the bride and groom in the centre, and groomsmen to his left and bridesmaids to her right. Parents of the bride and groom sit at a table with other close relatives. Assuming relations are cordial, divorced parents should sit together at this table with their new partners. For the remainder of the wedding reception, take care to ensure every guest has one or two people they know or will relate to at their table.

Speeches

It is customary for the father of the bride, head groomsman and the groom to give speeches. However, more modern wedding etiquette allows mothers of the bride or groom, bridesmaids, other close family members and the bride herself may also give speeches. It is also wise to have one of your guests act as MC. Give them a running order with everyone’s name spelt and pronounced correctly. Recommend that each of your speechmakers keep their speeches to five or ten minutes – speeches should be an enjoyable break in your reception not an epic performance.

Cutting the Cake

This tradition of cutting the wedding cake represents the bride and groom nurturing each other in their new wedded life. It is also one of the favourite photo opportunities of your wedding day so ensure your cake is in a good position with plenty of visibility for both wedding photographer and guests.

Your First Dance

Your first dance together is traditionally a bridal waltz, but you can select any piece of tasteful music that means something to you both. The bride and groom take the floor first, followed by the bride’s parents, groom’s parents and bridal party. It is customary for the bride to dance with both her father and her new father-in-law and the groom with his mother and new mother-in-law.

The Farewell

Once marking the first night brides spend away from their family, the farewell still has emotional resonance. You may like to consider a farewell circle, or a simple moment of focus on you and your groom. This is also the moment for the bride to throw the bouquet and the groom the garter – both wedding traditions that bring good luck in love and marriage to whoever catches them. Even if you will be seeing your guests the following day, it is important to mark this richly symbolic moment.

Giving Thanks

Your groom (or yourself) should thank the hosts of the wedding in his speech, as well as the maid or matron of honour, the bridesmaids and any other key people who have contributed time and effort to your wedding day. It’s also necessary to send a thank you to every guest and also to people who did not attend your wedding but sent gifts. Formal wedding etiquette states that both you and guests have up to 12 months to send a gift and send thank you notes, however today it’s more appropriate to send out a hand written personalised thank you note within one to two months.